Tricky Talks

 Let's get real for a minute. Some topics we have to navigate as parents aren't fun, and can be downright stressful. Our kids are going to develop and grow whether we like it or not. As parents we have a pretty important decision to make; are we going to ignore the hard stuff and hope they figure it out on their own, or are we willing to take it head on? Hopefully, after reading this post you can see that even the tricky topics can be navigated, and kids are more resilient to change than we realize! If you're still on the fence, think hard about this quote, "If WE aren't willing to teach our children, are you comfortable with who or what they WILL learn it from instead?"

Now this is definitely a tricky topic, but probably will relate more to you if you have pre-adolescent aged children or older. How social media savvy are you? Are you down with new tech? If you used the term, "I'm down with it", then you're probably old to need a refresher when it comes to new technology. In all seriousness, whether you keep up with every new social media platform or not, you need to be aware of some issues. I'm not going to teach you how to track your child's every move online, there's plenty of online resources for that. What I am stressing here is awareness and discussion. According to NPR.org, "increased time spent with popular electronic devices — whether a computer, cell phone or tablet — might have contributed to an uptick in symptoms of depression and suicidal thoughts over the last several years among teens, especially among girls". I'm not saying that you should ban your kids from every available media device, but you need to make a family plan and implement it yesterday. Set expectations for usage and clear rules on what is and isn't allowed. Work together to come up with consequences, and teach your kids the dangers that you read about as well. If you already have children that are using media in an unhealthy way, don't wait to make the changes necessary. Once your plan is in place, stick to it!

Another tricky topic for parents is finances and where children fall when it comes to responsibility. Some people may mistakenly believe that children are too young to worry about such things, but in truth, children of every age should be taught about finances. I'm not suggesting you teach your 4-year-old about your Roth IRA accounts, but there are age-appropriate lessons for every age and maturity level. I love what financial expert, Dave Ramsay says about kids and money, "Teaching kids about money is never just about money". As we teach them about finances, we are also teaching them about work ethic, charity, responsibility, accountability, and so on. So where do you start? Start with the basics, teach them what you know at age appropriate levels. If your finances aren't in the best shape and you're not sure if you can even teach them, get help! One For the Money, a family finance guide by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is a wonderful resource to help you get started, check it out!

Having "the talk", is arguably one of the harder topics that parents should teach their child, and they should be the ones to do it. Intimacy can be an uncomfortable discussion, but it is is important to remember a few things when dealing with this topic. First, is that intimacy doesn't automatically equal sex. Children need to know that human intimacy is a part of human relationships. It can be as simple as a hug between a parent and child. Some things to keep in mind as you approach sensitive topics such as this:

• Share teaching opportunities with your spouse or partner
• Use a normal speaking tone
• Follow your child's readiness cues
• Be prepared to teach on the fly (when questions come up)
• Create a positive teaching environment, wherever that may be
• Focus on age appropriate material
• Keep it simple and short
• Empower your children with positive expectations
• Live by example
• Don't be afraid to use helpful media
• Continue the discussion when needed

As your children grow and mature, so will the level and intensity of information that should be discussed. Be prepared to have frequent discussions about intimacy; not only does this help as the grow and need more information, but it creates a normalcy around the topic. The more comfortable you can make your children when discussing these issues, the more likely they will keep communication lines open with you as they age. Remember as you have these talks to keep a loving and trusting relationship with your children.